Been Realizing Lots Of Things

I don’t know if it’s the constant weed smoking or me being a water sign, specifically a Cancer, but I have been realizing things extra lately. For some reason, the past few months I have become aggressively self-aware, and aware of… everything else. Not only am I aware of every single word, movement, or action I take in any given situation in any given place with any given people, but I am scarily aware of all of the things in our world and it’s starting to trip me out.

I’ve just been in a state of thinking, like, why do things matter? And I know that is such a pessimistic thought to be questioning constantly, day in and day out (just made a doctors appointment to get back on anxiety medication !! yeehaw), but I can’t help it. I see what is going on worldwide and I just think… what is the point of it all? We’re literally just silly little humans doing our silly, little mundane tasks, going to our silly little jobs, updating our silly little social media pages. And I’ve gotten into this mindset of overthinking EVERY single thing, and I mean everything, trying to figure out why we do some of the things we do. Some thoughts are as follows (and I will be updating more as I…realize more things):

  • Why….why…. have we normalized the things that we have? 9-5 jobs and 40+ hour work weeks? For a minimum wage that has BARELY changed in the last decade? That’s actually sick that we have to work that much just to be able to survive, even if it’s in a job that we aren’t favorable of. We have completely normalized going to college, getting a degree, settling down in a job that you have to go to more than you exist in your own home, marrying, and having kids all by the young age of THIRTY. Maybe try… doing something that makes you happy? Go travel abroad, go watch every single movie in existence, go on a month long road trip with your friends, dye your hair orange, literally whatever – do something just for the sake of doing it. Your 20’s should be a time of freedom, and exploring what makes you happy. As a society, we’ve made it seem like your life is over by the time that you get out of your 20’s and that’s just not true. Another normalization – we’ve made it seem like if you’re a woman you have to love children and the clock starts ticking to have them immediately when you hit 22. Here’s the thing: pregnancy is… gross???? All the power to every single woman that has ever gone through it, because it is scary and takes some serious guts to do. It genuinely weirds me out, and it’s strange that we have normalized a need to do it. I am all for it if it is something you want to do – some women love the idea of having their own kids, and I’m sure it is an incredible and rewarding experience. But not every woman has to do it and it’s time we normalize that too. Especially with so many kids in the foster system, we should be pushing adoption a lot more. Let’s also talk about higher education real quick – you’re not untouchable and superior to everyone else just because you have a college degree? College is a scam, and I say that with a degree in English, and no regrets for the four years I spent on campus. But it is a scam. You pay thousands, you owe thousands. I know some people with not a drop of college education, who will absolutely make more than me throughout the rest of our lives. Fuck a gap year, take five years, ten years. God, genuinely just do whatever you want, however you want to do it. We are so young, and it’s time to stop making it seem that if you don’t have your shit figured out by now that you’re a failure.

  • Those people so against any kind of change like free fucking health care, raising the minimum wage, taxing the wealthy… why the FUCK are you so against making life easier? These are the same people hating on kids for liking the same gender, god forbid, not feeling comfortable in the body they were born into, the same people who for some reason just want to see the same static world with no changes. Why do you want a world where you pay thousands just for breathing air in a hospital? Why do you think retail workers don’t deserve more than 11 dollars an hour for dealing with nasty, selfish people on a daily basis? I just don’t get why some people are so concrete in their beliefs, and refuse to see that change typically is a good thing. The world has changed so much, and we can’t just sit with the same old laws and beliefs for the rest of our lives. Life could be so great if everyone wasn’t so selfish and set in their ways. Why do you want to make shit harder for people?

  • Hello Trump supporters…. what in the literal fuck are you still doing? I drive past dilapidated trailers in my town all day long, with Trump banners plastered to the walls. I don’t know, maybe finish painting the walls of your house first and realize he doesn’t give one flying fuck about anyone who isn’t 1) a man and 2) rich. And the backwards thinking is absolutely mind blowing. Saying liberals are snowflakes who get triggered by everything, but then are absolutely appalled and disgusted to see two men kissing. Saying we shouldn’t wish d***h on a president, while at the same time wishing death on every single employee at every single Planned Parenthood worldwide? Seeing this man insult another man’s dead son during a live debate and thinking “Hmm…. yes. Good. I want four more years of this please.” I can’t even begin to wrap my head around these people and how you can be so clueless.

  • Ok, this one is dumb, but it must be said. I think it’s wack that we just, like, watch other humans on tv or in movies? Like we just decided to make these people rich and famous and we watch them over and over again even though they’re just regular people. Don’t get me wrong – I could literally never act, that takes an incredible amount of talent but isn’t it weird that these people have such insane talent in the first place that has made it so that they never have to worry about money while some of us worry about how to get food on the table or medical care? Like, I’m just sitting here watching a group of people in an office, with nine seasons, and close to twenty episodes in each, and I somehow consistently get enjoyment out of that? Simulation.

  • Influencers – HAHAHA. This one makes the least sense to me, to be honest. Especially the ones who do stupid dances and are millionaires by the age of 17. I do not understand this one. Putting someone up on such a high pedestal because they are pretty and know how to sync music to dance movements that should not even be considered dance movements is unbelievable. And the way they literally just make merch that is expensive for anyone, let alone their young and dumb fans. And the way they just get to move to California and go on making dumb five second lip syncing or dancing videos, and watch the money roll in…?? Maybe this is me being jealous and believing wholeheartedly that if I was less shy I would be unstoppable and have a minimum of 5.5 million followers, but I’ve found myself just avoiding influencers on social media. I don’t really want to see them traveling the world during a pandemic or selling a 70 dollar sweatshirt with a line that they said one time, but maybe that’s just me.

  • The way everything that our parents did when we were growing up is tied to mental illnesses and trauma is something I have been thinking a ton about. I was never physically abused as a kid, and I would’ve said that I wasn’t mentally or emotionally abused either but some things that my parents did can pretty easily be matched to some quirks I have now. For example, I can’t deal with anger. You raise your voice at me even a little bit and I will burst into tears. I can’t stand people being mad or irritated with me, why? I grew up with a dad who had slight anger issues, you know, when you’re all sitting at the table and your dad is in a bad mood and so everyone else has to be in a bad mood? OR constantly being told “Wait until your dad gets home” when you did something bad – hello anxiety, that must be where a part of you comes from! Those are just a couple of things, but I think it’s so interesting how different things like that stick with you, and how you can literally connect certain events from childhood, no matter how slight they might have been at the time, to trauma you face now. Everything your parents do, or did, has an effect. And I have a lot of hope for the next generation in regards to parenting. Watching tik tok videos of kids being so open about trauma, and mental illness, makes me think that future generations are going to change the world. We’re better at communicating, better at being open and actually talking about certain things we’ve faced, is exactly what we need to be doing instead of stigmatizing things.

I just think it’s weird that we have so comfortably settled into this world that we’re living. Maybe I’ll take a T break and be back to being blissfully unaware, but it is strange that we are living with the acceptance that life is hard, long, painful, etc, when it shouldn’t have to be like that. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want, with whoever we want and we are not required to stay stuck in an endless loop.

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