I’m sitting here typing this, as my angelic baby Koal lays on top of a pillow, snoring away, just thinking about how we literally do not deserve cats. If I didn’t have Koal, I would truly be the most miserable person on Earth, and yeah, that sounds dramatic but it’s the truth. Though she’s an evil brat who kinda sorta hates me, here’s an entire blog post devoted to her.
Therapy: As someone who has had extreme social anxiety since high school, not much helps me calm down after a good, old panic attack. Somehow though, Koal literally can pick up on them when they’re happening. I don’t know what kind of magic she uses to do this, but I swear, she sees me crying and a siren goes off in her head saying “MUST COMFORT,” over and over again. She’ll come over, lay down next to me, and place one delicate, little paw on my lap, while looking up at me doing that squinty little smile that cats do. Tell me how you can still be upset after that.
Permanent cuddle bug: Koal has an inner alarm clock, so every night at exactly 11:45pm she comes out, sits on her scratch pad and looks up at me like, “Uh, mom? Bedtime?” When I do come into my room and get into bed, she cuddles right up next to me, as close as she can physically be. She’ll use my arm as a pillow and purr quietly until she falls asleep. (She’s also a snorer which is the CUTEST thing I have ever witnessed). A side effect of her happiness is that her nose drips, for some reason, only when she’s happy. This literally does not happen at any other time, except when she’s really happy, so if you’re ever around my cat, and her nose snot drips on you, then congrats! She likes you. When I leave my apartment for any reason, she’ll look up at me mournfully like how dare I leave the comforts and the warmth of the bed, which, 98% of the time is the reason why I cancel plans in the first place. To make up for leaving her, I’ll usually take the throw off of the end of my bed and tuck her in so she’s not cold and lonely, because I am a psychotic pet parent.
Bodyguard: Let me paint the picture for you: 3 am, the second week living in my new apartment. I wake up to the sounds of Koal tearing my room apart; piles of books are knocked over on the floor, my closet is open and clothes are everywhere, the rug is flipped upside down, and there is Koal in the middle of it, playing tag with a little mouse! Nice. After I had a full on mental breakdown trying to figure out how to catch and get rid of this mouse who had taken up residence in my room, it escaped into my closet without Koal seeing it. She was pissed off, rightly so, and she laid down next to my bed, on the floor, to sleep for the night. She was still there in the morning, snoring away, and I like to believe that she did this to protect my dumb ass from this puny mouse.
Anti-Selfie: I’m obsessed with Koal and would take pictures and videos of her all day long if I could. The only issue here is that she hates the camera. If she’s doing something cute, and knows she’s doing something cute, and I dare reach for my phone to take a picture, she will run top speed out of the room and away from her. Please, please let me post about you and love you.
Hot and Cold Attitude: Not to be dramatic, but I would die for Koal. I RUN through the door every day, so excited to see her, and I run in with the typical baby talk, “hi baby hi my little princess hi sweet angel girl.” You know, the usual. She looks up at me, literally, like she’s wishing I was dead. And every time I pick her up, just to hold her or carry her around with me, and even though I fully know she loves the attention, she SCREAM meows as loud as she can, like I literally abuse her. I know this is just how cats are, and she does show that she loves me all the time, but this cat OWNS me. I do whatever she wants, including giving her treats 82 times a day, buying her expensive toys and tons of catnip, opening and closing the door as soon as I hear the first scratch, meaning she wants to come in immediately. She says jump and I say how high.
It’s amazing how much a tiny cat can change your life. I will never understand those who say they hate all cats, that cats are nasty, cats are evil, blah blah blah. Koal is an angel and I am so grateful for her. Not to be cheesy, but her presence in my life makes me so happy and I would be miserable without her. No therapy compares to burying your head in your cat’s fur while she purrs. I suggest everyone in the world goes out and gets a cat immediately, because while they are incredibly independent and pretend to hate you most of the time, deep, deep… way deep down, they are the most loving creatures in the world. Here’s to you, Koala bear, love you until the end of time.